Dirty rice, as they do NOT make it in New Orleans

Kathleen and I spent part of our honeymoon in New Orleans, back in January 1990. Walking through the French Quarter, we ran into all kinds of exotic smells, but there’s no way we could try them all. So we had the beignets and the chicory coffee at Café du Monde, and I seem to recall an oyster po’ boy someplace between the kids who bet us five bucks they could tell us “where you got those shoes” (turns out the answer is “on your feet,” and they aren’t much interested in questions of grammar if you want to quibble about proper usage of “got” and “have”) and the first and last time we spent a hundred bucks on breakfast for two.

That was breakfast at Brennan’s (a New Orleans tradition since 1948). While it was good, it didn’t really live up to the recommendation of our older, more sophisticated USIA colleague back in Washington. She told us it would be unforgettable, and at that price she was right! However, while we were there, I got an essential tip from the waiter about why Brennan’s chicory coffee was so good, that may have made it worth it: They use the regular grind sold at A&P, but the secret is New Orleans has really bad water and through some sort of magic, that results in really good coffee. Since we were heading for Mexico City, we picked up a couple of cans and started drinking it all the time.

Anyway, I also picked up a little New Orleans cookbook so I could cook up and sample some of the stuff we’d missed.

This recipe was NOT in that cookbook, but because I started making others of those recipes, I eventually ran across Zatarain’s Dirty Rice, and this recipe (sort of, anyhow) used to be printed on the box.

Not surprisingly, you start with a box of Zatarain’s Dirty Rice. Now, I didn’t even know dirty rice was a Louisiana thing. I first heard of it from my old pal R.B. Nezbit when he, Kevin Kehoe and I were driving from Minnesota to New York City (Brooklyn to be precise) back around 1986 and Ron (as he was known then) said we should stop at Popeye’s and get some chicken and dirty rice. We might have, but if we did, I don’t recall. (And who knew Popeye was from Louisiana?)

Anyway, you have this box of Zatarain’s Dirty Rice. Lately they've been offering a brown rice version, so I get that. Might even be good for me, who knows?

The directions say brown up ¾ of a pound of hamburger, but I usually use a pound because that’s almost always how they sell it in the stores. Sometimes I use ground pork, instead. Today I’m making a double recipe, so I used a pound of each.

When the meat is almost browned, I throw in about half a bag of frozen three pepper blend, found in most grocery store freezer cases these days among the frozen veggies. Sometimes it has onions in it, sometimes not. If it doesn’t, then add some onions as well. (“Some” might be a small handful if chopped and a little more if sliced and cut up.)

That’s quickly followed by a couple of handfuls of raisins (I use regular and golden, one handful each) and a small bag of sliced almonds. Stir all of that around with a wooden spoon or spatula until the meat is browned.

Then you dump in the Zatarain’s Dirty Rice mix and a couple of cups of water, stir it around real good, turn the heat down, cover and cook for about 25 minutes. When most of the water is soaked up, stir in a handful of crumbled bacon--you can use the kind that comes in a bag if you're in a hurry, but NOT something like Bac-Os. Those just get soggy.

If you want to get all Southern about it, serve it up with okra on the side (or greens or maybe possum—no wait, that’s a main dish). Otherwise corn or corn on the cob or corn pudding works good. And heck, it already has some vegetables in there—the peppers and onion—and even fruit (the raisins)!

I’ll post that corn pudding recipe later. We usually have it at Thanksgiving and it’s one of those old-fashioned comfort foods that probably isn’t great for things like your cholesterol and your blood pressure, but it GREAT for the soul.

And for those of you unwilling to risk my version of the dirty rice, Zatarain’s no longer prints it on their boxes, but they have it up on their website here.

Here it is on the table..

...and an appropriate accompaniment.